Battle at the Landes House

Toddler (and apparently Preschooler) Property Laws:

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours!

The coveted objects in our house...

Can you believe that?! Isaac and Julia fight most often over a step stool and a baby doll(not the exact one in the picture, but close). Ok, as for the step stool.... we have two, one for each child. The stools look almost identical, except one has a darker shade of blue on the top. That is the one they both think they MUST have. You may be asking yourself... why is darker blue better? I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!! Ok, got that out of my system! As for the baby doll, it has lately become Julia's favorite. However, originally we gave it to Isaac when he was 2 to help him learn how to be gentle with a baby, take care of it, etc. This of course was right before Julia was born. Isaac has not picked up that baby doll or even shown any interest in it for years. That was, of course, until Julia decides it is her favorite baby. Then he suddenly lays claim on it, and the battle begins. I know this is only one of many, many, many, many battles these two will endure(and I will endure for that matter), but whew it sure makes for a frustrating and exhausting day! Whoever drew this, must be spying on us through the window!!!!! Yep, that's me... frantic eyes and gritted teeth. She looks to be smiling though. No smiles on this Mama when I have sent my two to separate corners!!

By the way, I want to talk to my supervisor. I didn't get one of these...... ;)

MOM - Job Description

POSITION:

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy(and occasionally "But Mama")

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.