We had a great MOPS meeting Thursday. Ken and Cammy Draper came to talk to us about parenting compliant and strong willed children. They gave tons of wonderful advice and encouragement. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. I know all this stuff, but to be reminded of it and encouraged by shared experiences and wisdom was such a blessing. I forget too quickly, especially in the heat of the moment. I think I need a daily refresher course! So, I wanted to share with other fellow parents through this blog some of the things we talked about. Here goes......"For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:12
Strong willed vs. Compliant
*A strong willed child is difficult, not defective
*A compliant child is not better, just different
*The best temperament is one in obedience to the Holy Spirit
Setting Limits:
*Love and Limits need to be in perfect balance
*Define the boundaries in advance
*Respond with confident decisiveness
*Be consistent!!
*Distinguish between willful disobedience and childish irresponsibility
*Be clear and concise
*Reassure and teach after confrontation
*Avoid impossible demands
Showing Love:
* Fill their Love Bucket (How to Really Love your Child by Ross Campbell)
*Speak their love language (Five Love Languages of a Child by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell)
*Give them eye contact
*Give them focused attention
*Give them appropriate touch
*Give them time
Other helpful books:
The New Strong Willed Child by James Dobson
The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson
To Train up a Child by Michael Pearl
Most of you that read this blog and know my family are very aware of the fact that I most definitely have a strong willed child. No doubt about it!! My other child is beginning to push limits, but is much more easily brought into obedient submission. Parenting a strong willed child is EXHAUSTING to say the least. My biggest struggle is letting that exhaustion wear me down to the point of being inconsistent. I often think, "I just don't want to fight that battle right now", but I have to . Strong willed children can sniff out weakness in a heartbeat and will immediately use that moment to their advantage!! The other BIG lesson that I have learned is that I am not tied to my child's behavior. Oh, do I struggle with this one. I am my own worst critic and I can do a pretty good job of berating my parenting skills. I battle the thought of feeling like a bad Mom because my child is the one that is fighting me tooth and nail to get their way. Other days, I am receptive to God and am encouraged by reminders and thoughts that He chose me out of all the other mothers to parent this little person. What a privilege! God is faithful and will NOT give me more than I can handle. "Faithful is He who called me to be the mother of my specific children with their individual limitations, temperaments, and mental capacities, who will enable me to work properly with them." (Behold Your God by Myrna Alexander)
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3 comments:
That was said very well! And I personally think that you are a really wonderful Mom to your kids! You strive, on a regular basis, to try to be in tune with your kids to provide for their needs, you interact with them in very creative ways and above all, you love them unconditionally and they obviously adore you! You can see it in their eyes! When kids light up at just the mere sight of their parent, that's when you know you are doing a great job as a parent!
I think all parents need to hear that they are doing a good job because so often, life presents so many different situations that end up making parents feel like failures or that they aren't doing enough for their kids! So KUDOS to you and Keep up the Good Work!
Thank you for sharing what you relearned and for sharing your heart. You are a great encouragement to me.... a fellow mom of a strong willed child. I would also second what Karen said, you are a wonderful Mom to your kids. I am not around you and can't see you but I sure do read about your successes and those low points but through it all you strive to be the parent that the Lord would have you be.
You guys made cry! Karen is no doubt giggling at that, because is doesn't take much to make me cry. Thanks for the uplifting and encouraging words. Who knew God would use a blog to minister to my heart. Nothing is impossible for God! Amen!
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