Sigh

Deep breath..... sigh..... smile. Today is a good day. His mercies are new every day. Deep breath.... sigh.... smile!!

We (as in Isaac and I) have been struggling around here lately. Home school has not been the joyous experience I once envisioned it to be. Reality is that I have been called to teach my own son, which is a challenge in and of itself. I am more emotionally invested in him than I ever was with a whole classroom of other people's children. More tidbits of my reality is that my son is a true perfectionist, almost obsessively so. That throws a kink in things when he hits a snag and doesn't know the right answer at first. My bag of tricks is depleted in trying to help him through this. I am coming to realize that no matter what I say or do, he has to come to this realization of "it doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to try my best" on his own. And frankly, that is just how Isaac rolls. He always accomplishes and learns things on his own timing and will only try new things when he has gained enough confidence to do so. So that's the kicker.... how to instill that confidence in him yet still challenge him.

Lately, our biggest challenge has been math. He used to thrive in this area, now it is frustrating to him. I have noticed that he was not retaining some basic things, so I knew I needed to go back and work on it until he did. That is the beauty of home school. You can stop and take your time on something if you need. If he were in a public school, they would just motor on and that would be that. That is why we find high school students that don't know their basics and we wonder why they are not doing so hot on all the standardized tests. Ok, let me hop off my "soap box" and get back to the point of this post.

Yesterday, was a BAD day for school. Isaac flipped and to be honest so did I. I have come to the end of my rope in trying to find new and creative ways to work through this problem. My "creativity" blew up in my face yesterday. We were all a bit stressed by the time we finished school at 1 pm, no less. I realized yet again yesterday my down fall in all of this. Here it goes......I am about to confess..... are you ready? Pride, need for control, worry, anxiety, and so on and so on. Seriously, the list could go on for quite a long time. To be an effective mother, wife, teacher, friend, or any other role I am called to fill, I have to let go of my weaknesses and hold on to the only One that can turn my "bad" into GOOD!!!!

Today, I let go of the reigns and sat back to enjoy the ride God had planned out for us. And of course, things went much smoother. Isaac still ran into a few moments of frustration, but I handled it differently thus helping him handle it differently. Amazing what happens when I step out of the spot light and surrender whatever it is that I am holding on to (remember.... pride, worry, control) and watch to see how God is glorified throughout our day. So the problem is not that Isaac is a perfectionist or that we have challenges to face. The problem is that I have not surrendered completely to Christ and fallen on my knees daily in submission knowing that I am nothing without Him. He is my everything.

His mercies are new every day.

Deep breath.... sigh...... smile.